Heather Bresch, The Tribe Has Spoken

If you live in West Virginia, there’s no way you’ve been able to escape the Heather Bresch scandal. If you don’t live in West Virginia, you may not know what I’m talking about. You can click the link above to read West Virginia Public Broadcasting’s summary of the events (or, for more background, you can read this article in the Chronicle of Higher Education, or just google “Heather Bresch WVU” to your heart’s content), but here’s the upshot: WVU awarded Ms. Bresch, the governor’s daughter, an MBA retroactively and—according to investigators—inappropriately. Higher-ups are quitting. WVU’s reputation is tarnished. Oh, it’s bad, people. Bad.

It should come as no surprise—given my bailiwick—that what I find most interesting is the investigators’ report. It’s an irresistible blend of legalese and reality-TV–speak. Click here to see a copy of the report, in which I’ve embedded pop-up comments. (To read the comments, let your pointer hover over the red stars.)

I hope WVU doesn't revoke my M.F.A. for this, assuming I actually did earn an M.F.A.

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Comments

[Rudycat]

I'm enjoying reading your comments on this quite a bit. I'm so glad you blogged about this.

[Tim Adams]

Thanks for all those red stars. Now take a look at these sentences from the WVU student body president:

As a native West Virginian, WVU has always been very special to me as it is to all of us. The gold and blue, the football games, the flying WV, the mission of education and service have all had special meaning in my life long before I ever came to Morgantown. And, now, as students, WVU has changed our lives forever. The true power and meaning of our University doesn't lie in Stewart

[Elizabeth-Elizabeth]

Re: the HEATHERGATE scandal, I would just like to add that I have heard that WVU President Mike Garrison is the illegitimate son of former WVU President David C. Hardesty and Gayle Connelly Manchin, wife of WVU Governor Joe Manchin and mother of Heather Manchin Bresch.

Yes, believe it or not, Garrison and Bresch are half brother-sister!!!

What I would like to know, dear Editrix, is, How would you punctuate that? half brother, half sister; half brothers and sisters; half brother/sister; 1/2 brothersister; half siblings; half-siblings? Please advise.

Also, I have heard that there is a fill-in-the-blank WVU M.B.A. diploma on line. You just fill in your name, and it is already signed by Sears, Lang, and Garrison. Do you have a link for that? I would like to get my dog one for his birthday.

Also, I have heard that fuelperks! and WVU graduate credits are interchangeable. Do you have any knowledge of this? And what I would like to know is, Should WVU credits be written WVU credits! with a exclamation point just like fuelperks!?

Yours so very truly,
Elizabeth-Elizabeth

[Tim Adams]

The Tribe has spoken and Mike Garrison has been voted off the island; however, his torch has not been extinguished because he has an immunity idol formerly hidden in a bog.